I feel it in my fingers... I feel it in my toes...

So a few new things have happened as of late.

Anyone who reads this probably already knows this, but for my own sake I will say:  I have another job!  I'm a barista at Voyages coffee shop here in Lowell.  and I love it!  I love meeting new people and connecting with people that I already know and making people feel important and smiling at people.  I really like smiling at people.  Not that waning-crescent-moon shape smile but a toothy smile or a smile from the eyes.  I like that, a lot.  Because I really don't think people in our culture smile enough.

or laugh enough. Come to think of it, I don't think that I laugh enough.  I have kind of a picky sense of humor (I think) and I have recently realized that I say "That's funny" way more than I actually laugh.

((but sometimes I laugh so hard that I throw my head back and it comes deep from the belly and those are my favorite))

Also, Joshua is going to the Dominican Republic for a week on January 17.  and I would love to go with him.  But we're not sure if it's going to be possible or not.  But I think it's important that I'm there with him... unless God shows us otherwise.  So please pray for that, if you could...

and I'm having a really, really difficult time getting into the "Christmas spirit" or whatever it's called.  I don't have an itch to get our Christmas tree (even though we are going to go get one tonight)  I'm not really enjoying Christmas carols, I have no motivation to go buy things for people (because what does it really matter anyway) and what the heck is Christmas even about?  I know it's celebrating Jesus' birth... but what should that really look like?  I feel like it's more about not having to work and actually seeing my extended family one out of the two times I normally see them per year.  and I don't feel excited about Christmas.  I just don't see the point.  Isn't that Scrooge-like?  I don't know.  

Bah...humbug..?

I just want to get to the real meaning of it all.  I want to live everything out the way it is supposed to be lived but I feel like that's way different than anyone else (but maybe it isn't) but it must be because... well I don't know why.  This just can't be it when it comes to Christmas.

and I want to live out friendship the way it's supposed to be lived.  and love. ((especially love)) and God ((ESPECIALLY God)).  I want to experience God the way he is supposed to be experienced.  and... I'm... just... 

thinking about it all.