Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Honeymoon Chronicles Part 4: "Who is the greatest?"

Joshua gives me hand massages. Because after a long day of giving massages to others, sometimes my hands ache a lot a little bit.

People ask me sometimes if my hands get tired at the end of the day. My usual reply is, "You know, sometimes they do get a little tired. It's great though because my husband is really nice and he'll give me hand rubs so that helps a lot."

Here is a list of several actual responses I have had to that question:
1. "Really? How long have you guys been married? My guess is not very long"
2. "I'll ask you again in a couple of years."
3. "That's nice, enjoy that while it lasts"

Is it just me, or is that really crappy? It makes me terribly sad... Sad to think that somewhere in the path of marriage, people stop loving each other practically. Couples stop putting their spouses needs ahead of their own. That someday, Joshua isn't going to give me hand rubs. Is it because he will love me less? I hope not. Is it because we will be busy? We already are too busy.

why why why why why why why why do people stop doing nice things for each other?

Jesus taught us to put others needs ahead of our own. I try as hard as I can to put Joshua's needs ahead of mine and he tries as hard as he can to put my needs ahead of his. It balances out quite nicely. Each of us ends up trying to out do the other person in acts of kindness.

and they're not random. (My preference: intentional acts of kindness)

It's very important to us. We are very proactive about it. Sometimes, I ask him if he would like me to clean cat poop off the floor do something that I do not want to do. But it's because they are things that I know he doesn't want to do or that he would rather not. and I want to love him well. I want to put his needs ahead of my own. (Editors note: I have never picked up cat poop... I have offered... but that's one example of him putting my desires ahead of his)

I want to lay on his side of the bed before he gets in so it's warm. (He does this for me regularly. It's so cute and such a small yet significant sacrifice.)

I want to scrape off his windshield so he doesn't have to. (He does this for me more than I do this for him)

I want to give him the sandwich I was making for myself because he asked for one too. Not to wait until I'm done making mine and then make his, but give him mine. Then, make another one.

I want to fold the laundry because that's just something that he doesn't like doing for whatever reason.

I want to get up in the middle of the night when I'm already in bed if he would like a glass of water (because he wouldn't ask for it unless he really wanted it, right?)

and do I always "want to"? Of course not. I'm lazy, self centered, selfish not perfect. Just like everyone else. But I want to be in love forever

(and ever and ever and ever)

(and it's what Jesus taught us to do)

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition of vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" Phillipians 2:3-4

P.S. (I must point out the "but in humility" part of that verse. This post doesn't seem like I'm doing any of that "in humility". I post these because they are the truth of our relationship right now, and I want them to be something I can look back on, if I ever need a slap in the face and to "recover" this truth. Please, know my heart in that... I get nervous and a little insecure when I post stuff like this that I'll be misunderstood. So please, understand!)


  1. That was lovely. I am glad you do things like that for each other and I hope it continues througout your marriage... I have no doubt that it will.

  2. This was very sweet! I really appreciate your take on this. :) Came over from Anna's blog. <3

  3. As someone who has been married for over 22 years, I couldn't agree more. Intentional acts of kindness are so important!!! May God bless you both.