If you would have asked me six months ago if we were ready to start our family, my answer would have been a definite "No". Rather shockingly, I can honestly say that that is no longer the case! In the last several months my "baby meter" has been OFF THE CHARTS, people. (The "baby meter" is a scale Nicole and I made up from 1-10 that measures how much we want to have a baby) I don't know if it's because I'm 25 and something God placed deep inside of me, some secret timer I didn't know existed, is going off or what but for goodness sakes, I think I am ready to produce a child.
Except...
We're moving out of the country very soon. Hopefully January soon. The reality is that those two huge life changes really shouldn't happen incredibly close to each other. Which has left me kind of sad, longingly admiring pregnant women, and fearful that we might not even be able to have our own baby easily. (So clearly we should be trying every night of every month and throwing the birth control out the window....)
But we can't. It's been a very odd thing, too. This feeling of being ready for something so amazing, but at the same time feeling that it is so far away from becoming a reality. Unless we want to have our first little one overseas, we will have to wait three full years (starting in January) to bring a baby into our world. That is a long time, my friends.
The interesting thing, though, is that for the first time ever, I am starting to feel like I maybe, possibly, I could potentially be able to have our first baby out of the country. I know that sounds crazy, and I'm not saying that is for sure the plan, but it is very freeing to embrace the possibility and dream about starting our family in the next 1 1/2 years, not the next 3.
So, I just thought I would take this time to be transparent and honest about something very personal to every woman. I don't know when we will start trying for our own little miracle or how easy it will be to create that miracle, but I am learning a lot about trusting God. Trusting that His timing- in everything- is (and will be) perfect. So perfect that in hindsight, every step of our journey will make complete sense. I am also trusting that in whatever way I become a mother (whether it's having our own children or through adoption) I WILL be someone's Mum some day, and I will faithfully and lovingly raise each child God blesses me with as best as I possibly can.
Except...
We're moving out of the country very soon. Hopefully January soon. The reality is that those two huge life changes really shouldn't happen incredibly close to each other. Which has left me kind of sad, longingly admiring pregnant women, and fearful that we might not even be able to have our own baby easily. (So clearly we should be trying every night of every month and throwing the birth control out the window....)
But we can't. It's been a very odd thing, too. This feeling of being ready for something so amazing, but at the same time feeling that it is so far away from becoming a reality. Unless we want to have our first little one overseas, we will have to wait three full years (starting in January) to bring a baby into our world. That is a long time, my friends.
The interesting thing, though, is that for the first time ever, I am starting to feel like I maybe, possibly, I could potentially be able to have our first baby out of the country. I know that sounds crazy, and I'm not saying that is for sure the plan, but it is very freeing to embrace the possibility and dream about starting our family in the next 1 1/2 years, not the next 3.
So, I just thought I would take this time to be transparent and honest about something very personal to every woman. I don't know when we will start trying for our own little miracle or how easy it will be to create that miracle, but I am learning a lot about trusting God. Trusting that His timing- in everything- is (and will be) perfect. So perfect that in hindsight, every step of our journey will make complete sense. I am also trusting that in whatever way I become a mother (whether it's having our own children or through adoption) I WILL be someone's Mum some day, and I will faithfully and lovingly raise each child God blesses me with as best as I possibly can.
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| Darby (aka "Baby Girl") and I celebrating Nicole's birthday. Darby is probably to blame for atleast 3 of the points on my Baby Meter. Cute little sweetheart, she is! |
Wow, really???? :)
ReplyDeleteHi Leslie,
ReplyDeleteI saw one of your blog updates a few weeks ago and have been following ever since. You are a gifted writer and you share your heart so beautifully.
This post touched my heart and I wanted to encourage you because God can handle anything, even what we might consider to be (or to have been) the worst-case-senaerio for starting a family.
I recently quit my jobat the church to focus more on school and my one big thing was I didn't want to have a baby and still try to finish school...well I'm almost out of the first trimester and I have at lease two and a half years of school left.
All of my fears flooded to the surface when I saw those two little pink lines but God is helping me tackle one each day. Joe and I know it will beharder for me to graduate this way but it will make getting the diploma even sweeter knowing I had to fight for it. And I'm glad for the chance to work hard for my new little one. I am in love with this baby already and I wouldn't go back and pick my way for the world.
Whatever happens for you and Josh will be perfect and nothing will matter except that little baby. God will do just about anything to bring himself glory and grow our faith in him. Love you lady, I wish you guys all the best with this.
P.S. I'm writing this on my iPhone and cannot check what I wrote for iPhone words (the auto spell check doesn't always get my words right) so sorry if there are any weird sentences.
I love this post! My baby meter is always sliding back and forth because it really just depends on the week, for me! Right now I'm at a good place though. I'm working and have a lot to look forward to, that I can't possibly imagine having a baby any time soon. But EVERYONE is asking when we'll start a family ; ) we say a year from now.... maybe.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good step that your baby meter has been consistently high! God will totally bless you in His perfect time. Whether that's over seas or not, you will love however it turns out!
All I can say is THANK YOU for writing this post! It really resonated with me and was just what I needed, especially this paragraph:
ReplyDelete"So, I just thought I would take this time to be transparent and honest about something very personal to every woman. I don't know when we will start trying for our own little miracle or how easy it will be to create that miracle, but I am learning a lot about trusting God. Trusting that His timing- in everything- is (and will be) perfect. So perfect that in hindsight, every step of our journey will make complete sense. I am also trusting that in whatever way I become a mother (whether it's having our own children or through adoption) I WILL be someone's Mum some day, and I will faithfully and lovingly raise each child God blesses me with as best as I possibly can."
Bless you, sweet girl!
Amber