A few (rather honest) thoughts.

On Who I am (at the moment)

excited about: Being 74% funded (we cannot leave to live overseas until we are 100%!) 

worried about: How I'm supposed to juggle all of the parts of my life right now. Working part time, traveling to Pennsylvania almost every weekend, and still being the kind of wife, sister, daughter, and friend I want to be.

reading: SO MUCH.  Perspectives course work, A Sacred Marriage, Through Her Eyes

creating: Space in my heart.

loving: Meeting so many wonderful people.

hating: All of the driving we have to do.
wondering: When we'll move, when we'll have a baby, what's in store for me this year....

craving: Seeing a really, really good movie.

listening to: Ravi Zacharias and Mumford and Sons.

watching: "The Walking Dead" (don't judge! It is such a good show!)

A few Random Thoughts that I don't feel like writing separate blog posts for:

•  I believe that there is very little power in what you believe unless you know and have really thought through WHY you believe it.

• I don't think it's fair to make anyone else responsible for your spiritual/emotional/mental growth. I don't think it's up to your church, your husband, your friends, or your family to inspire you to grow. I think it's up to you, and if you aren't feeling inspired or challenged then you better do something to change that yourself.

• In this journey of moving overseas, I have met a a lot of people (almost 100% of them women) who have flat out told me they could never do what we're doing. As if it's easy for me, or something. Where is your courage, ladies? Where is your willingness to trust the One who has the whole world in His hands? I'm not saying this because I'm better or because I have it all figured out, it's just the lack of willingness to surrender to God I have seen among believers and experienced is disheartening.

Discouraging Things I hear on a Regular Basis:

"You're moving away from your family? I would NEVER do that."

"Oh you're leaving your dog? I could NEVER do that."

"You're going to be gone for three years?  I could NEVER do that."

"You're going to live in a country that is primarily made up of Muslims? I could NEVER do that."

"You're going to have your first baby overseas?  I could NEVER do that."

In all of this - every challenge, every single thing I'm "giving up" - I am finding that God is faithful.  Living a life where I am constantly reminded that I am weak and my own strength... my "self sufficiency" is not enough is a difficult but truly blessed place to live. For it is in my weakness that Christ's power in my life is made strong.  As I learn that my capability to handle life's challenges is entirely insufficient, I am finding that His grace... His strength IS sufficient.  Please let me be clear that I am by no means saying that the path I'm taking in life is what everyone is supposed to do. It's not. I know that.  I'm just saying that often the "I could never's" are really just "I won'ts".

Because that list is full of things I thought I could "never" do, too.   But I am willing to take God at His word.  To believe that He will never leave me nor forsake me.  That He works all things out for the good of those who love Him. That His message of love and redemption and forgiveness is something that PEOPLE NEED TO HEAR. That His dreams for my life are much bigger and better than anything I could possibly plan for myself.  And that I can never even come close to "out-giving" the One who has given so much to me.