Monday, April 9, 2012

A few honest thoughts about moving, change, and time travel.

I've been thinking about this 'secret' from the Postsecret blog quite a bit lately.  

Recently, I asked Josh a simple question, but one that I have found myself repeating over and over in my head.

"Do you think that right now, the life we are currently living, is the happiest we will ever be?"

Because I've gotta tell ya, our life currently is filled with so much love and joy that I can't help but think the answer to that question is a big, loud, resounding "yes".  This - right here - is the happiest we will ever be.  Not that it's all down hill from here... I just keep thinking that, at the end of my life, if I could time travel to any phase of my life, I think that the one I am currently living in would have to be an excellent choice.

My family all lives within a block of one another.
Josh and I are so so so happily married.
We are expecting a baby!
We have the cutest pup.
Our family is alive and well and healthy.
We have rich, deep friendships that fill our lives with meaning.

I just... I don't know how it could get better.  Maybe once I meet this little one I will, but right now I'm just standing in awe of the moment that we are living.

and I think tonight I'm feeling a little sad because I can feel the moment slipping away from me.  Brian and Kyrie (my twin brother and sister-in-love) are moving to California on Thursday.  I am so happy for them and so proud of them and so excited for them, but this is going to be one of the first big goodbyes that I'm going to have to do.  Brian and I have never lived more than 45 minutes apart and now we will, quite literally, be on opposite sides of the planet.  Separated by a 12 hour time difference!  Their relocation marks the end of a glorious 10 months where we all lived so close together we could walk to each other's homes in less than a minute.  Quite honestly, it's really sad to think about.

Did I cherish it enough?  Did I take it for granted?  I don't know.  All I know is that I have about 5 weeks left to enjoy the rest of the life we've built and created here and then it's time to start over from scratch in a new country.  Please don't misunderstand me, I'm excited about the move we are making, I just think that tonight the not-so-exciting part has hit me rather hard.  Plus I'm pregnant so... emotional double whammy.

Tonight, as I allowed myself to cry over the fact that my dog isn't going to be my dog anymore, I started thinking about the fact that people much braver than me blazed trails for the gospel in places much darker and remote than we are moving.  Did you know that the first missionaries to Sierra Lyon packed their belongings in caskets, knowing that they were never coming home but would end up being sent back in them?  Does that not BLOW YOUR MIND?  As I cried tonight I thought about them.  What did they know about Jesus that I don't?  What gave them the courage to leave under those grim circumstances, and I'm a blubbering fool who will be able to Skype with my family hours after I land in our new home?  What am I not understanding about the gospel that they got?

I'm going to make the most of the next five(ish) weeks.  I'm not going to let myself fall prematurely apart (although I'm fighting tears for the 4th time while writing this) but I am going to imagine, probably a lot, that I've time traveled back and am re-living this brief season of complete joy in my own past.  Perhaps it will help me get a full grasp on how blessed I really am, and help me to squeeze out every ounce of life that is left to be lived here.


  1. I'm crying (more joy than anything) for you right now. Knowing a bit on how it feels to move away from family my heart breaks for you. But also knowing how GREAT OUR GOD IS I am rejoicing for you because he is using you in ways that you don't even understand to the fullest yet! Praying for you, Josh, your family, baby McCracken and the lives that you will encounter and change!

  2. Buddy will always be Buddy McCracken.

  3. Wow. This really rocked me today. I can totally imagine this happening in my life at some point. You are such a sweet friend and I will definitely be praying hard for you guys!

  4. Love this post. Praying for y'all! I know this day will come for me (hopefully sooner rather than later) and I love hearing your thoughts on it.
    Change is always hard, but I'm strongly believe you have many more happy times ahead of you! :) I really can't wait to see how the Lord uses this next year for you guys.
    Sending lots of love your way!

  5. Praying for you Les! Letting Go is never easy!