Monday, February 17, 2014

A Most Peculiar Friday. (On discovering I was pregnant with twins!)

(This post was first written on February 1, the day after we found out we are pregnant with twins!)

This is the start of a very beautiful, exciting, overwhelming story.  To understand the scope of it, I've got to start a few weeks ago….

:::

It was very late at night.  I was exhausted, nauseous, and contemplative.  This pregnancy felt different.  I was hungrier.  More exhausted.  More nauseous.  As I crawled into bed, I whispered to Josh a few of my recent thoughts about our still-in-its-first-trimester pregnancy.  

"Josh… this pregnancy is different. It's either a boy or it's twins. and I just need to say… that I really hope we're not having twins."  
"Why??" he asked.  "Twins would be so awesome!".  
"I know I know, it would be, but I'm just saying right now that I would prefer not to have twins."
Josh then leaned in close to my stomach and said very clearly to my lower abdomen, "If there are two babies in there, you just need to know that we want both of you." (We believe that there is a lot of power in the spoken word, and prefer to speak life into our unborn children rather than fear or uncertainty.)
"Yes yes yes," I agreed.  "Of course, but I'm just saying…"

:::

Fast forward to yesterday - the day of our first appointment to see our doctor and hear the baby's heartbeat!  It was exciting and nerve-wracking.  The first evidence that we've got a healthy, growing, thriving, baby on our hands.  We decided to bring Piper along to the appointment.  We started off by going straight for a listen of the heartbeat.  After a few minutes of searching, Dr. Emily couldn't find it.  She was unfazed and I wasn't worried, because I understood that this is common so early in a pregnancy (I am only 11 weeks after all).  Plus, I was pretty excited to see an ultrasound image of the 'wee one.  

We finished the rest of my exam, and only had to wait a few minutes to get an ultrasound.  The ultrasound tech squirted the cold gel on my belly, apologized for it not being warm, and proceeded to start the ultrasound.  Immediately, the outline of a perfect little baby popped up on the screen.  I looked at Josh, who was sitting beneath the screen on the wall.  He was holding up his index finger, signaling a triumphant "only one baby!" sign with wildly happy eyes.  I was nodding in agreement and mouthing a relieved, "I KNOW" as the ultrasound tech said the most peculiar thing:

"Oh, wow! Do you see what I see??"

"….no."

(I'M NOT TRAINED TO SEE THIS STUFF LADY. Still, I could tell by the happy tone in her voice that whatever she was seeing wasn't bad…)

"There are two babies in there! You're having twins!"

and then... I just burst into tears.  Not necessarily sad tears, just… tears.  As she handed me a tissue, I apologized and confessed, "These are mostly happy tears!" (Yes, I said "mostly". Ha.)  She was losing the image on the screen because of my shaking abdomen… I was going between laughing and crying and saying, "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Holy crap. Oh my gosh. Aw, hi guys! Oh my gosh."

Here are a few things that flashed through my head.

"I knew it!"
"Ohhhh no, I am going to get huge."
"How am I going to have a natural delivery with two babies?"
"We're going to need a van. We're van people now."
"I'm having twins. I'm having twins."
"I KNEW IT."

and then I was overwhelmed with this thought, 

"God is still God and He knew about this. Everything will be fine."

"…and I KNEW it."

She took pictures.  Told us they are fraternal.  Their heartbeats were identical… 162 beats per minute.  I couldn't stop staring at the screen and crying.  I'm so glad Josh was there.  I will never forget the beaming smile on his face.  No tears for him.  Just pure joy.  "I couldn't be happier, Les," is what he said to me.  What a blessed reassurance that my husband would be there with me through all of this.

I was so glad Piper was there to share in that moment with Josh and I.  Our sweet girl's entire world just got rocked and she didn't mind (or understand) one bit.  In fact, at one point, the ultrasound tech zoomed in on one of the babies and Piper looked up at the screen and waved.  She waved!  It was such a precious mommy moment for me.  It was like she knew, and was choosing to greet her younger siblings with joy and sweetness. 

The rest of the day was wonderfully exciting.  Everyone we told was, like us, completely shocked.  It was really quite fun getting to share such unexpected news with the people we love.  I'll always cherish those reactions and responses in my heart.

and last night as I fell asleep.  I had my hand settled gently on my lower abdomen; smiling to myself at how something I didn't want a few weeks ago could so entirely envelop and consume my heart with longing.  



3 comments:

  1. I love this story, Les! brought tears to my eyes! I have been doing a beth moore study about secrets and I was overwhelmed by this idea of having a secret with Jesus. In Psalms 139, you know how it talks about how the Lord sees your intermost being and how you were formed in the secret? There are about 7 days where there is no technology that can tell you are pregnant even though you are. Nothing. There is nothing out there that can prove from the minute that baby forms that you are pregnant right from the beginning...but God knows. It is a little secret between that human life and God...just the two (or three!) of them. God treasures that secret. I think of you and how the Lord knew those two little babies were there and how he treasured that secret and poured out his love on them from the very very very beginning of their lives. So excited for you! Lots of love!

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  2. So special! Brought tears to my eyes too!

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  3. Aww, loved reading this, congrats!

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