Thursday, August 21, 2014

You Are Enough.

{This post was originally written about a month ago}

Several months ago, a satirical twitter account I follow called The Honest Toddler tweeted a joke that struck me and stuck with me.  The twitter account is supposedly run by a toddler who "tells it like it is".  It's actually quite funny and clever and I'm often laughing at the little things this person posts.  The tweet that stuck with me said something along the lines of this:

"Nothing says 'you aren't enough' like your parents deciding to have more children."

We had recently found out we were pregnant again and I just remember thinking, "No no no no no that's not it!  That's not why we decided to have another baby!"  Obviously, the joke is the skewed view a toddler might have of introducing another baby to the family, but I can't get this tweet out of my mind... especially as we prepare to invite two more babies into our family.

I find myself looking at Piper and thinking, "You are enough, Piper.  You were enough.  You would've been enough." We easily could've stopped expanding our family and sometimes I wonder why we didn't.  We have this awesome, amazing, brilliant, hilarious little girl and she is all ours.  But the love I have for her will only grow once I meet her sisters, I know it.  Not only that, but I grew up with 4 siblings of my own and the friendship and relationship I have with each of them is so special that I can't imagine what it would've been like to be an only child.  

Perhaps the reason I am so sensitive to this idea is because I have found that one of the biggest mental and emotional struggles of my adult life has been a near constant wondering of, "Am I enough?".  Did I do enough?  Did I pray enough?  Did I ask enough questions?  Is it ok if I don't...?  Did I get enough of an education?  Did I play with Piper enough today?  Did I love Josh well enough?  If I don't grow or change any more than the person I am now, is who I am enough??

So I did a some inspiration-seeking and I found a little idea for Piper and for myself.  I painted it this week and am so happy and pleased with how it turned out.  May it be a daily reminder to myself, to Piper, and to the little girls that are coming (any day!!) that we are all enough.  

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